1. Never wake up early. Keep stretching and turning in bed until you get too hungry to continue dozing. If there are no bed bugs, why hurry to get up?
2. Never plan how to spend your money. Whenever you get money, start spending it right away and when it's finished, you try to count and recall how you spent it.
3. Don't think of saving until you have real big money. How can you save when you earn so little? Those telling you to save are not sympathetic to your burning needs.
4. Don't engage in activities usually reserved for the "uneducated". How can you, a graduate, engage in petty trade, network marketing or home-based production? That's for people who never went to school!
5. Don't think of starting a business until an angel comes from heaven and gives you capital. How do they expect you to invest before you get millions? Even though more than half the businesses in your town were started with little capital, you as a smart person can only start with millions.
6. Complain about everything except your own attitude and laziness. Blame the system, the government and the banks that refused to lend you money. They are all bad and do not want you to get rich.
7. Spend more than you earn. To achieve this, buy consumer products on credit and keep borrowing from friends and employers.
8. Compete in dressing. Make sure you're wearing the latest clothes. Intimidate the congregation with your trendy fashions every day. Whenever your neighbour buys a new phone, you get one that is more expensive.
9. Get yourself a nice second-hand car that costs more than three times your yearly salary.
10. Give your children everything they ask for since you're such a loving parent. They should not struggle for anything because you do not want them to suffer that way, they will grow up lazy and hence poor enough to ensure they can't help you at old age.
11. Devote your time, energy and resources to watching football especially EPL, UCL and La Liga. Keep up with all matches, fixtures and transfers.
Ensure you adequately argue your points among friends for hours after each game. After all, one day Messi and Ronaldo will remember you and send you some percentages of their income.
12. Stay on Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp and Instagram all day to post, comment or watch videos.
Engage in discussions that add no value to your life just to be seen that you are current and up-to-date. Be hopeful that one day a benevolent spirit will come down to bless you.
By Professor Makau, Kenya.
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